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Take Care of Your Heart: Forgive

We have so often heard the phrase "Forgive and Forget". Forgiveness is so important in all our relationships since there will always be an instance in your life wherein you'd find someone so close to you or someone you really love to hurt you in the deepest way possible. I believe you've been hurt too, right? But how did you forgive the other? Or are you really sure that you've forgive the person who have wronged or wounded you? Is it really that easy to apply the concept "Forgive and Forget" in situations that seem the worst?

Studies in America found that their citizens believe in the relevance of forgiveness yet only less than half of them actually try to do so. In an article, Becky Mollenkamp stated that

"Anger-prone people were three times more likely to have heart attacks or bypass surgery than less-angry folks, according to a study, published in Circulation magazine, that included 13,000 men and women."

In a study by Lawler, et. al. (2003),  hostility & holding grudges has been linked to stress, increase risk in cardiovascular diseases and ill health. Witvliet et al., (2001) found two unforgiving responses that people do when someone had hurt them: replaying the event over & over and holding bitterness. These responses often negatively affects the emotional and psychological aspects of the person which then leads to undesirable physiological effects. A Public Relations Director in Virginia stated that “If you don’t forgive, you hurt yourself more than the person who hurt you, it’s really in your own best interest to forgive.”

Rick Warren said that the greatest measure of love is on how you deal with someone so dear to you have hurt you so badly. As a young adult, there where many times that I was tested in the area of forgiveness. I've had a boyfriend who just took me for granted because he was still in-love with his ex-girlfriend. Indeed, it was never easy at first. Yet as I moved on, I found that forgiveness is the key for me to be set free.

But how?

1. Recognize that you need to forgive the person.
At first it was so hard to accept the situation that I was in. I did everything for that relationship yet I never thought that I would feel so betrayed. Forgiveness is a decision. I took responsibility of my life and took the initiative to send my ex-boyfriend a private message, explaining how I felt. I told him that I would not go against his happiness and just set him free. Though he did not reply, I was at peace.

2. Seeking for revenge will just prove you nothing.
When someone deeply hurt us, the first thing that we tend to do is spend all our energy and resources to avenge ourselves. I have learned that this is not the right move. I can't hurt the other person with my resentment, I only hurt myself more. After weeks of silence, my ex-boyfriend finally asked for my time to talk with him. I did talk to him. I didn't even think that I would get even. I made it clear to him that even though I have forgiven him, it doesn't mean that the relationship would be restored. Resentment & bitterness would just put me under a person. Getting revenge would make me equal with my transgressor. But forgiveness puts me above the person and I felt peaceful.

3. Do good even to those who hurt you.
One measure of forgiveness to someone is when we don't take their sins against us and just continue to do good. Pray for them. As Jesus had said, "Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." (Luke 6:27-28) Just continue to do good and you'll feel the rewarding effect of going against the norms of our reactions. There is a feeling of self-actualization.

4. You can never do it on your own.
I've often heard a lot who says, "I can never do that. It's just so easy for you to say." It is indeed impossible if GOD is not in your heart. As Jesus said in His word, "..with man this is impossible but with God, all things are possible. We need God's loving grace for us to be able to do this. We'll just have to surrender it all so that He can make a miracle out of our situation. Remember, NOTHING in God's control can ever be out of control. Let Go. Let God.

Without forgiveness, life would just be a cycle of bitterness and negative energy. We can never truly live a life intended for us. We can never be free. It can only affect your psychological, emotional and physiological aspect of life. It can only cause our heart to grow weaker and affects our health.I'd like to share my favorite text quote about forgiveness: "Every time you forgive, you set a prisoner free. And that prisoner is you." So what are you waiting for? Be free. Step in the light. ♥

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